Fatballs

So something funny...

I am helping another nurse with a patient that she just admitted. His heart rate is 30, but he's talking and thinking fine - he is asymptomatic - big word I know. He tells me his heart rate is always like that, and "everyone makes a big deal about it" "Jesus Christ, they always do this, fucking idiots! I came in here for these fat balls!"

Hmm. I tilt my head to the side and take this in.

Later, I was helping again and casually mentioned "Ahh, so what's up with your fat balls? Do you have heart failure or kidney problems?" He looks at me quizzically. "Why are your balls all swollen up?" I ask.

He looks taken aback - "My balls are fine, what I have are all these fatballs under my skin, and ohhh they are so painful. Feel 'em, I mean it! They don't ever believe me. Right here.. Do you feel it? Right here too, deeper, deeper, ahhhh there"

He has fatballs, not fat balls!

He says that he has lumps of tissue in between his joints. They are very painful for him, but I can't feel crap. I feel weird and apologetic, and he later convinces me to rub some numbing lotion around his fatballs. "Oh yeah, around the right side, oooh a little higher. Do you feel that, feel how big they are? I just want them to take 'em out. Ohh a little more lotion, my wife really layers it on... ohhh just a little longer"

He comes in for fatballs, gets treated for bradycardia. Maybe they will be back...Ahhh fatballs. I shant forget you.