Devotion

I have had both the pleasure, and an exercise in patience this week taking care of two sweet people and their families. It has been some cruel hazing technique apparently at my work. For three days in a row - 12 hour shifts - I have been taking care of two men who can not move at all, both are totally alert and with it, and both communicate with an alphabet board. Moving row by row down the board, they nod when I have the right one, and then nod when I hit the right letter. It is a tedious task, but always a satisfying moment when I get a word right - arm, tv, suction, hot, up.

At home, both are able to use the computer. One uses a sensor on his glasses and can move his head around, the other can use his thumb to navigate the mouse. They send e-mail, surf the net---really cool. really sad. The computer is their life.

One has been like this since an accident 25 years ago. The other has had a rapid onset of ALS over the past 2 years.

Both have trachs, one is fresh and he is having complications.

Both of these men have amazing wives who care for them at home. They pick them up, put them on the toilet, clean them, feed them through a tube in their stomach. As a nurse I do this stuff everyday, but not living the same day over and over. These women have stepped up and given up everything for their husbands. Freedom, flexibility, time, privacy. I am blown away when I think of them.

One has limited time with her husband, the other has been doing this for 25 years. 25 years! They were only married a year before the accident, she said she doesn't really remember what they were like together before then. What devotion. What kind of lesson are they supposed to learn in this life? What the hell is God thinking?

But, they seem to be a perfect symbiotic match. He smiles softly to her, she anticipates his every need. They have adapted. They both have pain etched in the corners of their eyes that shows with their soft smiles.

I wonder how many tears were shed. I wonder if I could do the same. How would I change as a person? To lose so much in so short a time, and then have to live with it everyday. Praying that your care is good enough, that you don't let him down. So many emotions.

I wonder if I could do the same.